Let's stop talking about safe spaces

What do you see in the image above?

At first glance, it’s simple: a climber scaling a vertical rockface.

But look again through a safety lens, and you’ll notice something else: the ropes, harnesses, the anchor points, the bag of chalk (used to absorb sweat and moisture, increase friction and provide a more secure grip), the helmet, the look on the climber's face...

You can feel the preparation involved and the continual assessment of safety.

It's not a 'one and done' situation, but an ongoing process.

This is safety in action - a dynamic and active assessment of risk.

Why the idea of creating a 'safe space' doesn’t work

The concept of creating 'safe spaces' has become a popular way of indicating one's best intentions for those attending an event or experience.

The Oxford Learner's Dictionary defines a 'safe space' as "a place in which a person or a particular group of people can know that they will be free from harm or criticism".

In reality however, we never know if an experience is going to feel 'safe', because safety is unique to each person, relationship and situation.

Of course people need to feel seen, heard, supported and as safe as possible.

But simply naming a group or session as a 'safe space' doesn’t make it so.

In fact, the language can be misleading, and at times even harmful.

Here’s why:

• It assumes safety means the same thing for everyone.
• It risks imposing one person’s idea of safety onto another.
• It overlooks how privilege and power dynamics shape what feels safe.

For example, experiences of feeling safe can be very different for someone facilitating a group versus someone who is accessing the group; or someone who is the newest, youngest or most vulnerable person present - what feels safe for me, may not feel safe for you, and vice versa.

The reality is that we can’t just declare “this is a safe space” and expect everyone’s experience to fall in line.

Safety isn’t a magic word.

It’s experiential.

It's environmental, relational, physiological, contextual, and always shifting.

It’s also why we no longer talk about safe spaces in supervision groups, workshops, or therapy sessions here at Tempo.

Safety vs safeness

To summarise:

• Safety is about assessing risk and protecting from harm, or threat detection in action.
• Safeness is where we no longer feel a need to scan for threat, and are able to relax and turn towards ourselves and each other with trust, and connection.

Compassion-focused therapy research shows that safeness activates our soothing system, the part of us that allows calm, curiosity, and courage. It’s not just the absence of threat; it’s the presence of connection.

How do we move from safety to safeness?

Brené Brown offers some help through her conceptualisation of her acronym BRAVING, which unpacks the small, everyday practices that build trust.

This is what allows us to move from safety into safeness.

Here’s what BRAVING stands for:

• Boundaries (B): Trust begins with clarity. We need to know what’s okay and what’s not, and to respect those limits in ourselves and each other.
• Reliability (R): One-off actions don’t build trust; consistency does. Reliability is about showing up and following through.
• Accountability (A): We all get it wrong sometimes. Trust grows when we own our mistakes, make amends, and allow space for others to do the same.
• Vault (V): What’s shared stays in confidence. Trust is built when people know their stories will be held, not passed on.
• Integrity (I): This is about choosing courage over comfort and values over convenience. Integrity is when our actions line up with what we say matters.
• Non-judgment (N): Trust deepens when we can bring our struggles, ask for help, and be vulnerable without fear of criticism or shame.
• Generosity (G): Trust is sustained by giving others (and ourselves) the benefit of the doubt, assuming positive intent rather than rushing to blame.

Together, these seven elements remind us that trust isn’t abstract, it’s something we practice in relationship.

And when trust is present, safeness can grow.

Moving from safety to safeness isn’t a one-off event, it’s a practice.

It’s built through trust, through the everyday choices captured in BRAVING, and through the courage to keep showing up with openness and compassion.

So perhaps instead of promising safe spaces, we can commit to cultivating safeness - moment by moment, in relationship, together.